MICHAEL COHEN – BETWEEN A ROCK + A HARD PLACE!

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Son-of-a-bitch, just when you think you’re on “easy street” – the feds smash in your fucking door!
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Damn!  You’ve got 30+ years of records on the “Donald” – every single sleazy real estate deal, every underhanded loan, every single hooker & “party girl” PAY-OFF, NDA’S for every single under-age model, hollywood starlet, budding ingenue & all those Russian LLC’S.  Hell without Russian LLC’s, the Trump real estate empire would not even fucking exist!
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Then there’s those goddamned Trump income tax returns going all the way back to 1977 & shit, he ain’t worth a tenth of what he claims.
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By the end of the 20th century there were only 2 goddamned banks on planet earth Trump could even think about getting a loan from — the PBC/People’s Bank of China + Deutschebank – (whose main “banking” consisted of unadulterated money laundering).  The PBC had enough sense to cut Donald off.   Deutschebank, however, did him a “solid” – they cut him off from their regular lending side – but “passed” him on over to their “private wealth” side – Russian oligarchs/billionaires/mob-types who didn’t ask too many questions or poke around too closely @ his “credit” rating – ’cause they knew that if Trump didn’t repay – they could “take his ass out” – permanently!
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What’s a poor dumb schlub from Brighton Beach/Brooklyn supposed to do when he only has a paltry total of 3 clients – (Trump, Republican fund-raiser Elliott Broidy & Sean Hannity).   And to top it off, Hannity claims he ain’t a “client” but still wants an attorney-client status!
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The feds have it all, all my records on the “Donald”, every sticking thing!  I can’t think of how i’ll “wiggle” out of this one.  Guess I’ll have to make like a street walker — & turn a “trick” — and fink on Trump & “nuzzle” up to Bobby Mueller!
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I know what I am — and I sure-as-shit ain’t a “practicing” attorney — the only thing I practice is the “artful dodge” – or – the “bob + weave” – or the well-placed “direct threat”.  Hell, my last real court case was a personal injury hit + run involving a middle age midget who “got hit” in the middle of a cross walk by a speeding motorist – and that was way back in 1999!
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God, mom said it’d all end up like this if I ran with the “big boys”!   Trump could pardon me – but then, I’d lose my right to invoke the 5th amendment – (right not to incriminate one’s self) – and Mueller + Co. could grill me down into the ground & squeeze out everything that I know about the Dumpster!
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If the Feds don’t get me, Trump’s New York thug consortium will turn me into a cement shoe & “roll” me into the East River!  No, wait, Putin’s henchmen will get to me 1st — with nerve agent or poison.  For you see, I know way too much – Kremlin “connections”, etc.   You might say I got Moscow on my mind — all the time!
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