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Good evening ladies & gentlemen –

.

We have here in our studio Little “Racket” Man —> Donald J.

.

Welcome to our humble show, sir!

.

Thank you Nigel — pleasure to be here!

.

Nigel —  Well then, Donald — let me begin by asking:  What’s Kim Jong Un REALLY Like!

.

Donnie — He’s Smart, Funny & I Tried To Fuck His Sister — We Simply Ran Out Of Time!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened in your private meeting with Kimbo?

.

Donnie — He’s Smart, Funny & Next Time I’ll Really Fuck His Sister — Fuck The Time!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened in the “working-lunch” after your private meeting with Kimbo?

.

Donnie — Well, I made eye contact with the bitch but she just had this icy stare — and that made me even more horny!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened @ desert?

.

Donnie — I played around with my Whip Cream & Put A Little Dab On My “Doink” — Fuck, The little minx just turned her nose up @ me!  I’m gonna have to “hunt her down” like a bitch!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so, did you text her?

.

Donnie — No, I think I’m “Blocked” — but I made the waiter go over with my business car + a “dick” pic! — that always works!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened then!

.

Donnie — She sent back a picture – but of her grandmother, stark naked – out in the back yard — hanging up laundry on a clothesline!

.

Nigel — Ok, then, so what’s next?

.

Donnie — I’m thinking of having the next Miss Universe In Pyongyang & I told Kimbo to make sure his sister was the next Miss North Korea!

.

Nigel — Sounds like you got your work cut out for you.  Stick to it, Mr. President, a grateful nation salutes you!

.

Donnie — Thanks.  I hope she likes jumping up & down on bed and emptying her bladder.  I can’t wait! Hey, Is this podcast going out on the Internet! — You know, maybe we should “shelve” this for the time being — Melania gets kind of testy about stuff like doing jumping jacks in bed and folks whizzing all over!

.

Nigel — Too late “Big Guy” — You Don’t need to worry about this going out on the internet, but Vladimir explicitly requested that we keep him posted and to also send him an exact copy to him @ his palatial estate – outside of Moscow! — But, don’t worry, he’ll keep it all under wraps!!!

.

Well, D.J. — thanks for coming on to our little show & good luck with that North Korea/Miss Universe thing!

.. .

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If Trump Can “Size” Kim Jong Un Up In A “Minute” – Little ROCKET MAN Will No Doubt Size “Dumbo” Up In About 5-Seconds! – He’ll Think To Himself, Shit, I’m Dealing With A Real MORON! – But Wait, I Brought Some “Shiny Objects” With Me From Pyongyang! – That’ll Do It, Right?

.

We’ll Just Begin The Summit By Discussing Opening Up A Burger “Franchise” In Pyongyang – I Hear Trump Likes Chowing Down @ McDonalds! – Now, That’s The Ticket! – We’ll Open Up The World’s LARGEST McDonalds-Like Burger Joint – Called “McBiglies” – In Downtown Pyongyang! – We’ll Make It As Big As One-City Block In Size! — Wow, We’ll Sell A Billion Burgers In The 1st Year Alone!

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We’ll Even Turn The Ronald McDonald Guy Into The Ronald McTrump Dude! – Our Premier Burger Will Be Aptly, The “Bigley” Burger – A Whopping, Dripping Wet, 1-Pounder Topped Off With A Mountain Of Fries Lathered In Mayo & Smothered In Grease & Accompanied By Orange-Tinted Onions!

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Here’s Our Little Burger Jingle, America! —> “You Deserve A “Break Today @ McBiglies —> We Do It All For You, We Do It All To You, We Do It All Over You, We Do It Through & Threw, Just Like We Launder All Of Those Russian Billions’ —> @ McBiglies!

.. .

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Charles Dickens wrote — “the law is a ass”
Donald Trump says — “the law, my ass”!
Nixon v. U.S. (1974) says — “you sir, (Mr. President) ARE the ass!

.

The New York Times’ shocking revelation on Saturday revealing that 2 of Trump’s lawyers – (Jay Sekelow & John Dowd) – sent a 20-page memo over to the Special Counsel – Robert Mueller – and spelled out categorically that the president is at the top of everything and as such cannot be bound by anything! Wow!

.

The sheer assholery of this memo cannot be understated. The absolutely abject failure of this memo to even construct an argument that would get anything higher than a D+ in any college constitutional class should not surprise anyone who has followed this dumpster-fire of a presidency! What’s even worse is that the concept of no man is above the law is given but a cursory “nod” while the text of the memo then goes on to press the issue that the president stands “above it all” – completely unfettered.

.

Well, amigos, if you believe any or all of that, we’ve been wasting our time with law courts, checks and balances and the very constitution itself. Guess we’ve been doing it completely ass-backwards all of this time — since the founding of our republic. Well, I’m glad that has been clarified – it sure simplifies things.

.

Now, we can get back to our busy lives and start planning that summer vacation to the Grand Canyon and the hike down to its bottom — that may very well be the safest place to be while in this country — for the next year or two, at least!

.

Is is too late for Captain America to save the day – or has that ship sailed already?

.. .

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Trump meets Kim Jong Un In Singapore. Will this be the greatest thing ever? Will this even be great. Will this even be!

.

Rocket man has been given his marching orders from “Big Daddy” — Xi Jinping!  They are — you can “talk” but you don’t ever “give it away”.  Don’t forget who brought you “into the world”.  Mr. Trump is a bumbling baboon – you may have your photo op – you will finally become a world leader – and then you will return to Pyongyang – without any change in your military arsenal.

.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and National Security Advisor John Bolton would like an immediate “stand-down” in Kim’s nuclear stockpile – total, irreversible dismantlement.  There is no Plan-B. In the entire history of the worlld there has never been a single-instance of 1 meeting that was therein followed by a total dismantlement of a major weapons systems by any nation – anywhere – in human history!

.

Today – May 29, 2018 – Trump just slapped a 25% tariff on $50-billion worth of Chinese imports into the U.S. – the kinds that have “technological” significance. Gee, I wonder if the great “Orange One” is trying to squeeze China into LEANING on Korea one last time to “dislodge” Kim Jong Un from his fixed position of never relinquishing any nuclear warhead in any negotiation with the big, bad U.S. of America.

.

Trump is way outside of his depth and this latest ham-handed approach to impose gargantuan excise constraints on premium Chinese exports to the U.S. is the clearest indication of this.  This is a meat-cleaver approach and the Chinese can see this and they will never give an inch or refrain from backing up Kim Jong Un in any settlement discussions on limiting or eliminating Kim’s nuclear arsenal.

.

Singapore has now been reduced to – at best – a meet-and-confer event between 2 world leaders and the chance to “shake hands” for the cameras.  If Trump wants to call this a victory, then he really is a pygmy of epic proportions.  As are his pin-head supporters.  BTW, they are over 90% WHITE!!!

.

Shake, rattle & roll — that’s ALL Trump & his administration have going for them.  Fuck’em! — Robert Mueller will put the hammer down this summer and nothing – and i mean nothing – is going to slow down the inevitable arc of history! Trump & Pence will be bounced from power by a Congress that will be forced to “take its medicine” by an ex-marine, Princeton graduate, decorated war veteran – Vietnam – who, in the words of an ex-CIA official — if you cross him – he will “crush” you!

.

The Great Singapore Summit will be a great Kabuki performance and nothing more!  The blue wave is coming in November and Donald & Mike better have their “affairs in order”.

.. .

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In the white house, the mighty white house
The liar sleeps tonight
In Lincoln’s bedroom, the quiet bedroom
The liar cheats tonight

.

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
He bend the truth, He break the truth — He spin the truth, He bake the truth
A snake with fruit, a fake in suit — a snake with loot, a snake in law suit

.

The oval office, deceitful office
His lies are kryptonite
The oval office, impeachable office
Paul ryan his lone acolyte

.

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
Can’t help lying, can’t help jiving — can’t help spying, can’t help vilifying
Mystifying, horrifying — stultifying, unedifying

.

Hush my darling — I hear his snarling
The liar tweets tonight
Shush my darling – yes, it’s jarring
The liar shrieks @ night

.

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh — a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
He’ll be fleeing, he’ll be flying — he’ll be conspiring, so uninspiring
Back to moscow, straight to moscow — nowhere but moscow, a moscow mule

.

He’ll be fleeing, he’ll be reeling — he’ll be angling, he’ll be dangling
Back to moscow, oh, mother moscow — back to moscow, to escape the hoosegow
He’ll be dying, to get up flying — he’ll be crying, i’ve done so much lying
Back to moscow, the brothels of moscow — back to moscow, to my favorite lil’ sow

.

Hush my darling — I hear his snarling
The liar tweets tonight
Shush my darling – yes, it’s jarring
The liar shrieks @ night

… .

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Where he came from,
Ask the wind that’s a blowin’

.

But then I know
he’s been jivin’
all along . . . .

.

Started in Queens,
then left
for Manhattan

.

Who’d have
believed he’d
string us along?

.

Your tiny haaands,
touchin
our haaaands . . . .

.

Reachin out . . .
fleecing me
god, need to flee
youuu . . .

.

Sweet Donald T.,
your applause lines weren’t
so good . . .

.

I’ve been inclined, to believe
they never would
But
Now
I

.

Look at my fright,
and I don’t seem
to be the only

.

We’re ALL filled up
with it,
too . . . .

.

And when you tweet,
your disease spreads down
my street

.

So to stop this hurt
we be trollin’
you?

.

Waaarm . . .
touchin
waaarm . . .

.

Freakin out . . .
don’t touch me,
won’t be touchin
youuu . . . .

.

Sweet Donald T.,
your crimes never
seemed so good . . .

.

I’ve been inclined, To believe
they never would
Oh
Lord
No

.

Sweet Donald T.,
your crimes never
did us good

.

Sweet Donald T., please
just resign if you
would

.

Sweet Donald T.,
your whines never
were ever understood

.. .

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.

Time to dump the trump
Can’t use a sump pump
Time to dump the trump
Call 1-800-got junk

.

The trump gots to go, punk
Can’t you see he’s just a skunk
Yeah, it’s time to clear this funk
Yeah, let’s do it before we’re sunk

.

Can somebody get a hold of Mueller
Tell him we think he’s a great feller
But we think we’ll handle it from here
Donnie Boy, you’re gone by end of year

.

Trumperzzz, start sucking your thumbs
‘Cause you know your dreams are dissolving into crumbs
Let me you hear you admit it
It’s fucking time to just quit it

.

You all never liked being stuck in the bottom bunk
Your man trump is just a swamp rat that really really stunk
So, give it up & let it go
Let’s give the dumpster a mighty big heave-ho

.

What i can’t figure out after being out on the stump
Is how Obama voters could turn around & vote for trump
Shit, you must’ve been in a fucking coma
As you thought you were voting for a man from Arizona

.

Trump, take your dumb shits with you & leave
You’re all just dead weight and @ best, half-baked
Get on down the road & allow us to bereave
When you finally wake – you’ll understand you’ve been totally caked

.

Mueller sets the tune, he sets the final curtain
Can’t no one stop this man, of that we are certain
No, get yourselves a’goin’ – while you still have time
‘Cause that subpoena come down and dump answers for the crime

 .

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.

Whether I’m white – or whether i’m right
Whether I’m a nazi or skin-head in flight
I’ve got to be me – i’ve got to be me
What else can we be – if not jack-booted crazy

.

We’re misunderstood – hated like termites in wood
You don’t like us – & wish we’d disappear for good
We’ve got to be free – shouting all over tv
We’ve got so much screed – to scream till we’re freed

.

Doesn’t matter if we have no brains
We could care less if we’re all insane
We have to preen – & we have to be mean
We have to be obscene – or we’ll all get gangrene

.

Whether we’re right – or whether we’re wrong
Just give us some hits from our nazi bong
We’ll march through the streets – with our Hitlerite tweets
@ least we don’t wear those fucking white sheets!

.

We’ll give those salutes – with our right hand raised
We’ll look so menacing – we won’t even get tazed
We’ve got to be free – can’t we all just agree
Our nazi pagentry won’t harm any citizenry

.

One final thought – so that no one really frets
We’ll never march with those nazi goose-steps
We just want to be free – to behave incredibly badly
It’s just what we do – so we’ll leave it at that, sadly

.

Now we take leave – till next we visit your street
But rest assured – orderly as a visiting navy fleet
We’ve got to be believed – we’ve got to be received
We’ll clean up our act – when all we want is achieved

.

So off we go – to put on more big shows
We hope you see – that we’re all fine fellows
So, if you give us a break – please, for heaven’s sake
We’re not the Klu Klux Klan – so just give us a fair shake

 .

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.

.

.

Trump’s room for manuevering in the Russia probe is about as much as the room there is inside a matchbox.

.

If I were him, I’d gather all my “stuff” in a suit case, don some nice dark sun glasses and start hitch hiking towards Costa Rica!  Don’t tell anyone, not even Pence.  Just “do it”.  Let it happen!  One tip, “lose” the MAGA red cap, along with the boring, never-ending blue business suit & power red tie.  Perhaps, instead, feature a pancho, like the kind that Clint Eastwood wore in “A Fistful of Dollars”, “For a Few Dollars More”, and “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”.

.

Just dream you’re lucky and get on with it!

.

Cause the “alternative” is a certain prison sentence once Mueller & Stormy Daniels’ attorney, Michael Avenatti, get done with your raggedy ass!  The money trail you’ve left behind over the last 3-decades is like the bread crumbs left behind in Hantzel & Gretel.  Taking Mueller out of the equation, a 2-hour direct examination in a deposition by Michael Avenatti would be like being undressed in public!

.

In the alternative, take a cheap Grey Hound to Hollywood – the cheap section – and rent yourself a by-the-night “bungalow”.   Then, make like L.A. Confidential, where you could drive around in a 1954 maroon mercury – slow-like – and just take on the affectation of an L.A. “gangster”, loaded with $100-bills, to give to “bimbos” catching a ride to the beach for “parties”!

.

Man, just like Robinson Crusoe, you’d find the lifestyle much less “encumbering” and a whole lot more “engaging” after just a few months.  Then you might start up a late-night, public access TV show – (like Alex Jones did in Texas 20-years back) – and, while wearing a “disguise” – sit in front of a camera and “peddle” all of your conspiracy shit to your heart’s content!

.

You’d be the king of Late Night L.A.T.V. before long!  You’d carve out a whole new niche in modern media — “Alt-Reality” viewing!  Hell, you could even invite some “alleged” alien abductees, or maybe show some “alleged” alien film footage and what not!

.

Donald, you don’t have to license anything to your name to make some quick cash!  Just peddle your “Alt-Reality” in “Alt-Reality” L.A.   You’ll have plenty of sponsors in no time.  You’ll get that mansion on Mulholland Drive.  Keep that maroon ’54 mercury – that’s a chick magnet, for sure.  Park it in the drive way of your Muholland mansion!  Yes, those pool parties will be spectacular & you’ll be on your way to turning it all around – upside down & rightside up!

.

Hell, McDonald’s started in L.A.  Maybe you can do them “one better” – McDump’s!  World’s most tasty “dumpster” food! — marinated in 7 special seasonings and sauces & topped with some kind of  “orange” topping – strangely shaped like your silhouette.

.

You’ll then enter L.A. legend status.  You’ll have large touring buses with Hollywood starlets hopping on board hoping for an interview with the late night T.V. guy – hopping to boost their career – or if not – boosting your gentleman’s “gear”.

.

After all, Donnie Boy, at heart, your nothing if not ALL MOUTH, ALL THE TIME, with all that foam oozing out of the corners of your mouth!

.

But, for now, we’ll keep this all  —  “Confidential, On The Q.T. & Very Hush-Hush!!!”

 .

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.

Son-of-a-bitch, just when you think you’re on “easy street” – the feds smash in your fucking door!

.

Damn!  You’ve got 30+ years of records on the “Donald” – every single sleazy real estate deal, every underhanded loan, every single hooker & “party girl” PAY-OFF, NDA’S for every single under-age model, hollywood starlet, budding ingenue & all those Russian LLC’S.  Hell without Russian LLC’s, the Trump real estate empire would not even fucking exist!

.

Then there’s those goddamned Trump income tax returns going all the way back to 1977 & shit, he ain’t worth a tenth of what he claims.

.

By the end of the 20th century there were only 2 goddamned banks on planet earth Trump could even think about getting a loan from — the PBC/People’s Bank of China + Deutschebank – (whose main “banking” consisted of unadulterated money laundering).  The PBC had enough sense to cut Donald off.   Deutschebank, however, did him a “solid” – they cut him off from their regular lending side – but “passed” him on over to their “private wealth” side – Russian oligarchs/billionaires/mob-types who didn’t ask too many questions or poke around too closely @ his “credit” rating – ’cause they knew that if Trump didn’t repay – they could “take his ass out” – permanently!

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What’s a poor dumb schlub from Brighton Beach/Brooklyn supposed to do when he only has a paltry total of 3 clients – (Trump, Republican fund-raiser Elliott Broidy & Sean Hannity).   And to top it off, Hannity claims he ain’t a “client” but still wants an attorney-client status!

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The feds have it all, all my records on the “Donald”, every sticking thing!  I can’t think of how i’ll “wiggle” out of this one.  Guess I’ll have to make like a street walker — & turn a “trick” — and fink on Trump & “nuzzle” up to Bobby Mueller!

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I know what I am — and I sure-as-shit ain’t a “practicing” attorney — the only thing I practice is the “artful dodge” – or – the “bob + weave” – or the well-placed “direct threat”.  Hell, my last real court case was a personal injury hit + run involving a middle age midget who “got hit” in the middle of a cross walk by a speeding motorist – and that was way back in 1999!

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God, mom said it’d all end up like this if I ran with the “big boys”!   Trump could pardon me – but then, I’d lose my right to invoke the 5th amendment – (right not to incriminate one’s self) – and Mueller + Co. could grill me down into the ground & squeeze out everything that I know about the Dumpster!

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If the Feds don’t get me, Trump’s New York thug consortium will turn me into a cement shoe & “roll” me into the East River!  No, wait, Putin’s henchmen will get to me 1st — with nerve agent or poison.  For you see, I know way too much – Kremlin “connections”, etc.   You might say I got Moscow on my mind — all the time!

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