TRUMP’S WHITE-TRASH WORLD TOUR – A TOUR DE FARCE


 

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Donald Trump didn’t leave for his Europrean (Trump World Tour) before “slapping” yet another TARIFF on China!
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This one for a puny $200-billion! Yeah, that’ll “grease the skids”, Donnie Boy – say goodbye to selling any of your pork bellies & soy beans, red state farmers!!! China will retaliate with tariffs on those farm products.  China is perhaps the biggest market for those items! But, they can now turn to Brazil for those same items — and “stick” it to Trump & the red state Trump voters!
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Then, upon arriving in Belgium for the NATO summit — without skipping a beat – he rips into Germany for their joint project with Russia on a gas pipeline to bring Russian gas to Europe. He accuses Germany of being a “captive” of the Russians.  (Talk about the pot calling the kettle black — whooooeeee!)
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He then castigates NATO members for being “dead beats” on paying their fair share of NATO expenses.  Never mind the fact that a good chunk of their payment “in-kind” stems precisely by their provision of forward bases for the U.S. military and the fact that many of NATO’s members directly border the Russian state.  And The Europeans do have a fund that goes toward the financing of the NATO organization.  This whole thing is pure “shit” on Trump’s part.
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Trump will then embark onward to Great Britain — but not London. It seems that a 20-foot tall “baby trump” blimp is hovering directly over Parliament – something that Trump-Dump simply cannot abide or handle.  So he’ll skip London altogether and make courtesy calls to P.M. Theresa May’s country estate @ checquers & another one at Windsor Castle – for Queen Elizabeth.  Then again, she may be absent and out “riding”.  Trump, what a fucking weenie!  Only gonorrhea is more unpopular in Great Britain than Trump!
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Next up – is a trip to 2 of his golf courses in the north of England.  The locals will probably throw bags of urine @ him or simply turn around & give him the royal “moon”.
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Lastly, he’ll end up in Helsinki and meet with Putin – “privately” – with only the Russian and/or American translator present.  Knowing “Dump” – he’ll ditch the American one and have a very private tete-a-tete with Vladi. This is definitely not in the long-term interests of or country as it is a total LACK of transparency and can only signal a dark agenda on Trump’s part. But, Bobby Mueller is in the wings & should “finish” off this turd. Anyway you slice it or dice it – Trump is a fucking turd that simply can’t be “polished”!
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Yes, America – we have “baby trump” as our leader – cry + weep – then vote like hell in November!  The only thing we have left to lose is our sanity!

 

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TRUMP + PUTIN + HELSINKI = RINKY-DINKY!!!

 

 

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If Kim Jong Un Is “Rocket-Man” — Vladimir Putin Has To Be “Jock-It” Man!
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As In Last Year’s G20 Summit In Europe Where Trump Met With Putin 3-Times, 2 Of Which Were In Total “Private”, Save For An American & Russian Translator
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Trump & His “Boner” Bro’ — Putin — Will ONCE AGAIN Meet In Total “Private” – (This Time With Just 1 Translator Present – The Russian ) — Somewhere In Helsinki — (Maybe Have A Few Drinkie-Winkie’s & Mix Company With Some Nordic Lights Ladies) — This Is A Recipe For A Total, Fucking Disaster!  Trump Would Sell His Own Mother Down The River If It Meant “Closing A Deal”!
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We Know That It Is Vladimir Putin Who Calls The Tune — We Have A U.S. President That Is Nothing More Than A “Sock Puppet” In The Service Of A Russian Strong Man Hell-Bent On Re-Establishing The Era Of The Russian Czars
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Trump Supporters – You Might As Well Start Putting Putin Bumper Stickers On Your Car In Place Of The Confederate Flag & Posters Of The Kremlin Lit Up At Night Up On Your Bedroom Wall!
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Trump Has Already Given Away Most Of The Store — Acquiescing To The Russian Acquisition Of Crimea,  No More Joint Exercises In South Korea, Disparaging Remarks Of NATO, Turning A Blind’s Eye On Ukraine, Not Acknowledging Russian Meddling In The 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, Downplaying The European Union And Openly Supporting BREXIT! — Letting Russian Run All Over Syria.
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Trump Is Putin’s Poodle.
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Hell, I Bet Trump Wears The Same After-Shave Lotion That Putin Wears — “Moscow Knights” – & “Knights” Is Spelled — Knights!
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Trump Will Look Longingly Into Putin’s Eyes And Whisper — “Please, Vladi, Pretty Please Vladi, Oh Sweetie — Promise Me You Won’t Interfere Anymore In Our U.S. Elections, Ok, My Big Daddy Man! — Putin Will Reply, Sure Thing “Cupcake” — & Then Follow Up With — “Here Have Another Strong One”, Donnie Boy, Now, Start Stroking My Thigh, Bitch!
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Trump, Take A Condom With You – Just In Case, ‘Cause You Never Know! — Goddamn!, It’s A Fucking Love Fest, There’s No Summit Stuff Of Consequence In This Whole Meet-Up! — It’s Strickly Boys Night Out — OR, More Fittingly — Boys Gone Wild! — You Know, I Hear Vladi Looks Simply Phenomenal In Speedos.  Maybe A Little Dip In The Waters Of The Upper Nordic With The “Donster” — Maybe Some Brandies By The Camp Fire On The Beach.  Hell, Let’s Turn This Thing Into Burning Man!  They’ll Both End Up Running Around Buck Naked & Descending Into Inevitable Debauchery!
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Trump Supporters — He’s Giving Away Your Fucking Store! — But You Don’t Care, As Long As The “Dump” Keeps Saying Shit That Just “Greases Your Pole” — Talk About A Bunch Of Unrepentant Reprobates & Degenerates — Trump Nation — Go Ahead & Look Into The Mirror & Then Just Try & Tell Us Otherwise!

 

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THE ONLY FAMILY BREAKUP NEEDED IS TRUMP’S!

 

 

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The only family that needs to be broken up – and I mean now –

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Is the one in the White House!

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Scattered to the winds like chaff of wheat blowing around on the MIDWESTERN prairie wind.

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Bobby Mueller is closing in for the kill – and “kill” he will, BILL!

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All you doubting Thomases out there will be proven wrong and you won’t live this down – ever!

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So pass the biscuits & praise the lord — the Special Counselor — will have a special message for The “Donald” & his progeny.

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You can all ask for clemency from Mueller + crew — or end up staring back from behind bars.

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Donald, Don, Jr., Ivanka, Eric & Jared – your hands are “greasy” and your methods most “sleazy”.

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Paul Manafort constitutes the controlled demolition “charges” & Michael Cohen is the “plunger” that when pushed downwards – brings it all down.

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The House Of Trump will turn out to be a House of Cards.

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Bye-bye, now, take care — don’t forget to pack a tooth brush — for where you all are headed, everything else will be provided!

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Oh, sorry, we’ll have to take your ties & belts – we don’t want anything left to chance!

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Sorry, Ivanka, you won’t be wearing makeup for a very, very, very long time, sweetie!

 

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12-STEP PROGRAM FOR — TRUMP’S MAKE AMERICA GREAT-ERS!

 

 

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1.   Get Your Head Up Out Of Your Ass
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2.   Stop Sucking Your Thumb
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3.   Cut Back On Your Meth Intake
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4.   Throw That Confederate Flag Out – Or – Take It To Goodwill
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5.   Don’t Listen To Ted Nugent
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6.   America Is Already Great – But NOT Because Of You Butt-Heads
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7.   Lose Some Weight – Maybe – 50-75 lbs.
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8.   Don’t Try Dating Anyone Who Can Speak In Complete Sentences
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9.   You Don’t Have To Reveal In Public That You Like Eating Fried Squirrel
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10.   When You Drink Pure Grain Alcohol Try Not Lighting A Match Near Your Wide Open Mouth
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11.   Don’t Try Pissing While On The Middle Strip Of A Major Thoroughfare — Try Hitting A Back Alley Or Behind A Building
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12.   Lastly, Try To Wear Your Fucking Trousers So That When You Bend Over You Don’t Show That Ugly Plumber’s Crack!

 

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KIM-CHI — TRUMP’S ‘HOT’ FOR KIM’S SISTER!

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Good evening ladies & gentlemen –
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We have here in our studio Little “Racket” Man —> Donald J.
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Welcome to our humble show, sir!
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Thank you Nigel — pleasure to be here!
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Nigel   Well then, Donald — let me begin by asking:  What’s Kim Jong Un REALLY Like!
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Donnie — He’s Smart, Funny & I Tried To Fuck His Sister — We Simply Ran Out Of Time!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened in your private meeting with Kimbo?
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Donnie — He’s Smart, Funny & Next Time I’ll Really Fuck His Sister — Fuck The Time!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened in the “working-lunch” after your private meeting with Kimbo?
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Donnie — Well, I made eye contact with the bitch but she just had this icy stare — and that made me even more horny!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened @ desert?
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Donnie — I played around with my Whip Cream & Put A Little Dab On My “Doink” — Fuck, The little minx just turned her nose up @ me!  I’m gonna have to “hunt her down” like a bitch!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so, did you text her?
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Donnie — No, I think I’m “Blocked” — but I made the waiter go over with my business car + a “dick” pic! — that always works!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so, what happened then!
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Donnie — She sent back a picture – but of her grandmother, stark naked – out in the back yard — hanging up laundry on a clothesline!
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Nigel — Ok, then, so what’s next?
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Donnie — I’m thinking of having the next Miss Universe In Pyongyang & I told Kimbo to make sure his sister was the next Miss North Korea!
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Nigel — Sounds like you got your work cut out for you.  Stick to it, Mr. President, a grateful nation salutes you!
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Donnie — Thanks.  I hope she likes jumping up & down on bed and emptying her bladder.  I can’t wait! Hey, Is this podcast going out on the Internet! — You know, maybe we should “shelve” this for the time being — Melania gets kind of testy about stuff like doing jumping jacks in bed and folks whizzing all over!
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Nigel — Too late “Big Guy” — You Don’t need to worry about this going out on the internet, but Vladimir explicitly requested that we keep him posted and to also send him an exact copy to him @ his palatial estate – outside of Moscow! — But, don’t worry, he’ll keep it all under wraps!!!
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Well, D.J. — thanks for coming on to our little show & good luck with that North Korea/Miss Universe thing!
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ROCKET MAN GOES “BIGLEY”!

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If Trump Can “Size” Kim Jong Un Up In A “Minute” – Little ROCKET MAN Will No Doubt Size “Dumbo” Up In About 5-Seconds! – He’ll Think To Himself, Shit, I’m Dealing With A Real MORON! – But Wait, I Brought Some “Shiny Objects” With Me From Pyongyang! – That’ll Do It, Right?
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We’ll Just Begin The Summit By Discussing Opening Up A Burger “Franchise” In Pyongyang – I Hear Trump Likes Chowing Down @ McDonalds! – Now, That’s The Ticket! – We’ll Open Up The World’s LARGEST McDonalds-Like Burger Joint – Called “McBiglies” – In Downtown Pyongyang! – We’ll Make It As Big As One-City Block In Size! — Wow, We’ll Sell A Billion Burgers In The 1st Year Alone!
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We’ll Even Turn The Ronald McDonald Guy Into The Ronald McTrump Dude! – Our Premier Burger Will Be Aptly, The “Bigley” Burger – A Whopping, Dripping Wet, 1-Pounder Topped Off With A Mountain Of Fries Lathered In Mayo & Smothered In Grease & Accompanied By Orange-Tinted Onions!
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Here’s Our Little Burger Jingle, America! —> “You Deserve A “Break Today @ McBiglies —> We Do It All For You, We Do It All To You, We Do It All Over You, We Do It Through & Threw, Just Like We Launder All Of Those Russian Billions’ —> @ McBiglies!
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CALLING CAPTAIN AMERICA – CALLING CAPTAIN AMERICA!

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Charles Dickens wrote — “the law is a ass”
Donald Trump says — “the law, my ass”!
Nixon v. U.S. (1974) says — “you sir, (Mr. President) ARE the ass!
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The New York Times’ shocking revelation on Saturday revealing that 2 of Trump’s lawyers – (Jay Sekelow & John Dowd) – sent a 20-page memo over to the Special Counsel – Robert Mueller – and spelled out categorically that the president is at the top of everything and as such cannot be bound by anything! Wow!
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The sheer assholery of this memo cannot be understated. The absolutely abject failure of this memo to even construct an argument that would get anything higher than a D+ in any college constitutional class should not surprise anyone who has followed this dumpster-fire of a presidency! What’s even worse is that the concept of no man is above the law is given but a cursory “nod” while the text of the memo then goes on to press the issue that the president stands “above it all” – completely unfettered.
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Well, amigos, if you believe any or all of that, we’ve been wasting our time with law courts, checks and balances and the very constitution itself. Guess we’ve been doing it completely ass-backwards all of this time — since the founding of our republic. Well, I’m glad that has been clarified – it sure simplifies things.
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Now, we can get back to our busy lives and start planning that summer vacation to the Grand Canyon and the hike down to its bottom — that may very well be the safest place to be while in this country — for the next year or two, at least!
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Is is too late for Captain America to save the day – or has that ship sailed already?
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